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    It is hard to believe that the Samsung Galaxy Note 7 is more
    dangerous than fingernail clippers.  Why is there a “No
    Firearms Beyond this Point” sign in the security rope maze,
    while no smoking is understood, until you get seated on the
    plane.  No Shit?  Yet, I gotta cut my fingernails the day before
    I board.

    Once I made it through the post-911 gauntlet, I bought a cup
    of coffee at the stand near my gate.  I noticed the tip jar had
    “College Fund” written on it.  She was older than me, and her
    idea of Adult Education and mine probably differ; maybe she
    has one helluva student loan?  You would think that the 20-
    something woman next to her behind the counter, would have
    “College Fun” printed across her chest for the tip jar.  It is just
    my breast awareness point of view, or maybe I need to buy a
    label maker.

    The average age of the flight attendants on this aircraft is at
    least 55.  I finally figured out what the term “white privilege”
    is supposed to mean.  White hair is job security in the airline
    industry.  That pink apron also makes me more aware of
    flying breasts now.  No, I wasn't staring, it was just the apron.
    Everybody is so colorful these days.  One of them hit on me; I
    still got it, even though it was a man.  I take the No Smoking
    sign seriously, and there is no “I” in Meat either.

    This plane is also equipped with what appears to be, the
    world's first touch screens on the back of the chairs, and I
    think they were assembled in Steve Jobs' garage.  I felt like I
    was poking my chubby fingers into the head of the passenger
    in front of me, while I was trying to get my trivia answer to
    register.  I gave up on games, as I watch a man attempt to play
    video golf on the contraption.  TV and Movies were available,
    but not for me, because I lost my ear phones somewhere
    during this vacation, and the cheap airline headset for
    purchase, seems to amplify baby-screaming noises, which is
    unacceptable (Conspiracy Theory:  They pipe in baby noises
    into those headsets.).  The only noise cancellation /
    entertainment solution left was Gin and Tonic.

    I always attempt to complete the in-flight magazine crossword
    puzzle, but a corner portion of my copy has been torn out,
    leaving me clueless on anything in the upper left region of
    this brain teaser.  I just got served a warm cup of coffee, and
    now I have to pee from the window seat; maybe I put my hand
    in the cup while I nodded off.  Does anyone make a 3oz. TSA
    approved thermos?  I need a few if airline coffee is going to
    be like this.  Who has peanuts and pretzels with coffee?  I
    think I am going to need some more noise cancellation; atleast
    a Gin and Tonic comes with ice.

    Did you know that Nebraska looks like Nebraska from the
    air?  I think I spotted Penny down there dyeing her hair.  And
    just what is going on in Cincinnati that makes this flight so
    full?  Statistically, do men fly more on Tuesday?  At least the
    airplane doesn't smell like Axe.

    From the Lavatory,


    The Smoke Detector
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