|***Names, Characters, Place Names, People, Businesses, incidents and events appearing on this website are used in a fictitious manner, or are products of the Author's Imagination.
Any resemblance to actual events, or persons living or dead, is purely coincidental. Must be over 18 years of age to view this website. Copyrighted material; including pictures.***
The Future is coming soon....more funny stories to share.
I thought I was Alone...Creepy
I thought I was Alone...Fiction
I thought I was Alone...Danger
|I thought I was...Fiction
|And I thought I was Alone
It is Labor Day weekend and traffic is rolling, as we head out
for our days of family adventure. Once again, I stop at my
"Favorite" rest stop for a game of poker, from the Old-
School styled coffee dispenser machine. I have yet to
receive a winning hand from this cup of life. Today is no
different, as the story begins....
Old-School Madonna is playing on the sound system
throughout the building, while I wash my hands of the
situation; I am also happy to find paper towels to wipe my
hands of Climate Change as well. This all just about
brought me back to the days of disco, when unlimited hot
water was available in most public restrooms. "Thank Gore
it's Friday!", I said to myself, as God as my witness to the
purposeful misspelling of the Classic Movie of freedom.
Now that I am on my way to the real task at hand, my head
clears in the anticipation of a cup of vending machine coffee,
in which every case so far, has ended up a total crap shoot
and a gambling failure. Still, I place my bet of $1 into the
machine, thinking that this time the brew will be an
improvement over the last experience and that my money
will not be wasted on my stupidity equivalent of believing
that strippers really like me. I tap the correct code for a
macho man, which really means that I am sexually
comfortable buying a mocha. Nothing happens, and not
sexually either, so I give a second performance. Then a third
time..."Jesus!", I said, because he failed three times too.
I come to find out that the machine is out of coffee and that
no selection was available. It is just the beginning of one of
the biggest travel weekends in the land God blesses, yet I
can't buy a simple cup of coffee from a company that has a
contract with the government to supply people with drinks
and snacks. The lawn was mowed, but I would rather have a
cup of Joe the Plumber. All I really wanted was the Poker
In calling the bluff,
The Soda Drinker
Satire, September 2016, comical, Observations, Popular blog, Short
Sanders Humor Writer, Wit, Comedy, Juneau Alaska and Key West
Florida Fishing articles, Laughter, LOL Coffee Humor Blog
Hearing many types of professional people in media saying
“Off-ten” and “Ekcetera” is about annoying as having
Common Core teaching me how to tie my shoes these days.
Before kindergarten, Mom taught me basic math, how to
read, and a method of tying shoes that should have lasted a a
lifetime. Well, my math skills have slowed, I can't read
without getting a squint headache, and all my shoes
magically become untied by the end of the day. Middle-
aged men don't like bending over to tie their shoes multiple
times a day; I use a double knot now, which creates a
different kind of hassle/time waster. I hope shoe strings are
made out of Teflon, or I will have to start using Ekcetera too.
Speaking of big wastes and waists; how about that old pair
of sweats? Why can't shoe strings be made out of that stay-
locked clinching waistband cord material? Every time that
you have an emergency (For instance, eating hot wings while
watching the football game, and suddenly you have a Bogie
in your Six. In other words, you gotta get to the bathroom...
now.) while wearing the athletic/couch pants, and briskly
pull that string for a quick release, it will cinch up into a
knot that only a knife can handle. I think I have learned from
experience, so it doesn't happen to me very Offten; I only
buy sweats, so I can tie my shoes.
From below the belt,
Ed U. Katin
I just heard the song 'Adult Education' playing on the radio.
It reminded me that I was hauling my oats around, with no
place to sow. I began to wonder about the meaning of that
title, as it would pertain to the politically-correct language of
today. I concluded that you can get fired for downloading
Adult Education/porn in the workplace.
With coffee brewing, I head into the kitchen to pick out my
favorite mug. As I pass by a mirror, it was hard to make a
choice. I then notice the smell of a tuna fish sandwich in the
area. I thought to myself, “That is one hell-of-a roasted
blend, because I don't have a mustache, I dislike canned
tuna, and know damn well that it is not my upper lip.”
I am not sure of all the types and flavors of coffee these
days, but this brand is in the class of a craft beer search. I
once thought looking at a supermarket's wall of toothpaste
was tough, yet somebody went out of their way to find this
bag of beans. It must have been a gag gift that I didn't
understand at the time, but have now learned through my
adult education. I can't go for that.
No can do,
All stories are in my opinion. Copyright Mark Sanders 2016