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How to get a Date that Empowers Women in America by Mark Sander Author photographer of Humor
And I thought I was Alone
    It is Labor Day weekend and traffic is rolling, as we head out
    for our days of family adventure.  Once again, I stop at my
    "Favorite" rest stop for a game of poker, from the Old-
    School styled coffee dispenser machine.  I have yet to
    receive a winning hand from this cup of life.  Today is no
    different, as the story begins....

    Old-School Madonna is playing on the sound system
    throughout the building, while I wash my hands of the
    situation; I am also happy to find paper towels to wipe my
    hands of Climate Change as well.  This all just about
    brought me back to the days of disco, when unlimited hot
    water was available in most public restrooms.  "Thank Gore
    it's Friday!", I said to myself, as God as my witness to the
    purposeful misspelling of the Classic Movie of freedom.

    Now that I am on my way to the real task at hand, my head
    clears in the anticipation of a cup of vending machine coffee,
    in which every case so far, has ended up a total crap shoot
    and a gambling failure.  Still, I place my bet of $1 into the
    machine, thinking that this time the brew will be an
    improvement over the last experience and that my money
    will not be wasted on my stupidity equivalent of believing
    that strippers really like me.  I tap the correct code for a
    macho man, which really means that I am sexually
    comfortable buying a mocha.  Nothing happens, and not
    sexually either, so I give a second performance.  Then a third
    time..."Jesus!", I said, because he failed three times too.

    I come to find out that the machine is out of coffee and that
    no selection was available.  It is just the beginning of one of
    the biggest travel weekends in the land God blesses, yet I
    can't buy a simple cup of coffee from a company that has a
    contract with the government to supply people with drinks
    and snacks.  The lawn was mowed, but I would rather have a
    cup of Joe the Plumber.  All I really wanted was the Poker
    Hand.

    In calling the bluff,


    The Soda Drinker
09/03/2016
Do It Yourself Bonefishing Florida Keys Information Guide to Flats Fishing
Satire, September 2016, comical, Observations, Popular blog, Short
Sanders Humor Writer, Wit, Comedy, Juneau Alaska and Key West
Florida Fishing articles, Laughter, LOL Coffee Humor Blog
09/17/2016
    Hearing many types of professional people in media saying
    “Off-ten” and “Ekcetera” is about annoying as having
    Common Core teaching me how to tie my shoes these days.  
    Before kindergarten, Mom taught me basic math, how to
    read, and a method of tying shoes that should have lasted a a
    lifetime.  Well, my math skills have slowed, I can't read
    without getting a squint headache, and all my shoes
    magically become untied by the end of the day.  Middle-
    aged men don't like bending over to tie their shoes multiple
    times a day; I use a double knot now, which creates a
    different kind of hassle/time waster.  I hope shoe strings are
    made out of Teflon, or I will have to start using Ekcetera too.

    Speaking of big wastes and waists; how about that old pair
    of sweats? Why can't shoe strings be made out of that stay-
    locked clinching waistband cord material?  Every time that
    you have an emergency (For instance, eating hot wings while
    watching the football game, and suddenly you have a Bogie
    in your Six. In other words, you gotta get to the bathroom...
    now.) while wearing the athletic/couch pants, and briskly
    pull that string for a quick release, it will cinch up into a
    knot that only a knife can handle.  I think I have learned from
    experience, so it doesn't happen to me very Offten; I only
    buy sweats, so I can tie my shoes.

    From below the belt,


    Ed U. Katin
Clever witty blog by Mark Sanders Humor Writer and Author of Book Machismos Creed Juneau Alaska and Key West Florida Blog Writer
09/28/2016
    I just heard the song 'Adult Education' playing on the radio.  
    It reminded me that I was hauling my oats around, with no
    place to sow.  I began to wonder about the meaning of that
    title, as it would pertain to the politically-correct language of
    today.  I concluded that you can get fired for downloading
    Adult Education/porn in the workplace.

    With coffee brewing, I head into the kitchen to pick out my
    favorite mug.  As I pass by a mirror, it was hard to make a
    choice.  I then notice the smell of a tuna fish sandwich in the
    area.  I thought to myself, “That is one hell-of-a roasted
    blend, because I don't have a mustache, I dislike canned
    tuna, and know damn well that it is not my upper lip.”

    I am not sure of all the types and flavors of coffee these
    days, but this brand is in the class of a craft beer search.  I
    once thought looking at a supermarket's wall of toothpaste
    was tough, yet somebody went out of their way to find this
    bag of beans.  It must have been a gag gift that I didn't
    understand at the time, but have now learned through my
    adult education.  I can't go for that.

    No can do,


    The Apprentice
All stories are in my opinion.  Copyright Mark Sanders 2016
Very Funny Writer Mark Sanders Coffee Blog Humorous Stories from Alaska Juneau Key West Florida Fishing Author of Machismos Creed